Martian Notes

2019 is not a lucky number.

My grandpa left me in late September, and Godfrey left exactly two months later. Or people say, they became stars, euphemistically. If I look at the stars really hard, can I spot where you are.

The passing away of a family member, a friend or a favorite celebrity, needs preparation. Not only the preparation of worldly chores like funeral or burial, but also mental preparations, a lot. Similar to the response felt by the dying, the mental process experienced by the survivors also begins with denial, sadness and everlasting reminiscence. Which stage do I belong or am I aware of my belonging.

I thought of the past, the days we spent, the memories we had; I also thought of the present, how I feel and how will you feel if you could, as well as the future, the one without you but me only. The denial stage tormented me into believing things I did not buy, like soul or reincarnation. As always said, time could heal. The power of forgetting could deceptively heal my wound and push me into the second stage, where I could accept the truth and swallow the sorrow. After days or months or years, I could take a breath out of the oceanic loss of bereavement, and think of the good old days peacefully.

Life begins and ends, a simple truth. Believing in such truth needs courage. I cannot say the ending of life brings hope, at least bringing enlightenment.

At least I can look at the stars.